Confessions Good for the Soul? What a load of crap…

You know, they say that confession is good for the soul. You come out with your sins or your troubles and then "automagically" you feel better. I have to say that there are exceptions to the rule. I have confessed or talked to my husband about a billion things that are going on in my life with work, family, life in general and I have to tell you, it didn't make it go away, nor did it make me feel any better about it.

Let's just say that the winds of change are about to blow hard at work and what we will be going towards is nothing like we are today. Now because what I can guess, I could get into trouble with HR if I say anything to the effect and possibly lose my job over it. This blog, no offense isn't worth it. I've gotten kind of used to having a roof over my head and food for the family to eat whenever they are hungry. Call me old fashioned, the streets aren't where I want to raise my kids.

This is the part where I feel for the military families that can't say anything due to the whole national security thing. Mine is only a domestic job and it doesn't cost people lives.

So how does one get over the overwhelming worry when you have all of these things to think about? I mean let's face it, the economy of the country right now doesn't give me a warm fuzzy that I used to have earlier in my career when we could almost dare the company to get rid of us or lay us off, work us too hard, set unreasonable expectations and such. Here in this city, my industry was thriving at that time and you could almost have a job the next day if you knew the right people. Now, those same people are the ones looking for jobs and I have no way to help them. Now, don't get me wrong. My manager is doing everything in her power to take care of her team, but due to the new "atmosphere" of the company, that is no longer a factor and if she doesn't make the choice then they will. And it's done in the blink of an eye. They don't stop to overanalyze it, or even analyze it at all (or so it seems). I don't want to get her in trouble or give you the wrong impression of her – this "change" is out of her hands and quite honestly, I am not even sure she's aware of it. (I still have some friends left around the company – not many mind you, but some.)

The worries about family? They are the normal ones. Mom with her condition struggles every time she gets a cold and it gets harder and harder for her to get rid of them the further into winter we go. Pile my dad not being there to help her or me close enough to being able to help her on top of it and you've got some heavy emotions coming from there.

The second part to family? My son, almost 3, almost made it out of 2 without going through the terrible twos. Well, evidently he's just delayed in development, not blessed with great behavior. This week, we had two days in a row where he just decided to take any old frustration out on his daycare classmates. Tackling them (yes, I'm still hoping for that dream of UGA one day – but not just yet…), hitting them and even kicking them. 2 days of spankings and timeouts, and he was fine on the 3^rd day and tolerable on the 4^th (today). We'll see if we improved behavior or just masked it for a couple of days. We're praying that this is an isolated situation.

Ashleigh, my drama queen is doing fairly well. Teachers are in contact with us, I make sure to ask in the morning when I drop her off at Pre-K how she is doing. She's not had any complaints from them, nor her afternoon teachers, so thank God that's running smoothly for now…

Frank, well, he's Frank. J God love him, he's a solid rock and things are usually pretty good with him anyway. His aunt is supposed to have some procedure done to her heart blockage, but we don't know exactly what or where because he won't talk to his mother. That's a whole other blog that could go on for pages if you don't already know the history. However he did have a few people in his group "RIF"-fed. For those of you not up with the buzz words these days, it means Reduction In Force – or commonly called, lay-offs. THANK GOD, he wasn't one of them.

So, working full time, full time wife and mommy is stressful as thought to be, but you just wonder does a lot of it have to be this stressful? How are you supposed to deal with it? Frank always tells me as best as I can. My strongly religious friends tell me to surrender my worries to God and it will be taken care of. And believe me, I do leave it in His hands because honestly, there's no one else that can fix it. I just wish I knew how I am supposed to react. I'm doing well to keep most of it in check, but damn, it's tiring. Mentally tiring.

You know, I just looked at the length of this and it's almost 1,000 words. Damn, in high school it used to take me hours to write that much for essays and such… oh yeah. Those were assignments, nothing we were supposed to enjoy. J

Anyway I do have some outlets for the pent up frustration, so don't think I am going to explode. I have my gym membership that I have to start using again. I started back on weight watchers and I tell you, I am so relieved to count points rather than avoid all types of food. South Beach gave me great basics for my dieting, but to deprive myself of those things that I enjoy the most (chocolate, potatoes, pasta) it was pure hell, once you hop off of the bandwagon then try to get back on it. I gained everything I had lost last year back because of it. I guess WW is the way to go for me so far. I don't feel stressed when I go out to eat, I have my blackberry to use their online tools and I have the support of Frank following it somewhat with me. That HELPS a TON!!!

Overall, I am doing well, I am just tired of not being able to say anything, which on part of this I will be able to say more after Monday is done and over with. And for the rest of it, I know they just have to work things out themselves and I am supposed to quit worrying, respect their wishes and be supportive where I can, but that doesn't really "stop" the worrying, does it?

Until later…

Kel