2014 Ends… 2015 Enters in…

Here is your warning, it's a long post tonight.
I am a lucky girl, I've been off on vacation since 12/19. It has been a great break for me. With the way that this year has impacted our family, it was much needed. (I'll recap in another post).
Over the last couple of years, I have read a lot of books for positive thinking, management and encouragement. Many of them have been written by Jon Gordon – feel free to check him out. I found him by chance one day in the library with my kids, it was a book called "The No-Complaining Rule". As it turned out, I loved it and I went seeking out all of his books. I read all of them, I was even involved in the pre-launch of his latest book, "The Carpenter". I loved the book and I loved the experience. There for a while, I thought I was one of a few that liked reading these types of books.
Anyway, he has another book, that he co-authored, "One Word That Will Change Your Life…". I bought it and read it – and I must say, I need to go back and reread it (for a refresher with the new year). The gist of it is, instead of making resolutions that you know have a high chance of failure, focus on one word that will help you to get motivated, positive, and give you something to work for throughout the year. The word is supposed to remind you of those goals and easy to keep around or see reminders.
This year, I chose the word: Positive.

noun

1. a good, affirmative, or constructive quality or attribute.

 
I chose this because the last quarter of our year was not so positive. In August, we lost my father-in-law to suicide. I must admit that was a LARGE blow to any positivity. I think the hard part for me was having to deal with it in the support realm, not my own grieving. I thought of myself as pretty close to him at the time, however, there were demons he was fighting that no one could have known. In working to support my husband through his loss, my kids and trying to help them understand what was happening, without having actual answers, and supporting my mother-in-law, it was a tough road. Now let me stress here… THERE IS NOTHING THAT I WOULD HAVE CHANGED in how I handled this or went through it. I know I did everything in my power to be there for those that needed me most. As a result, there is a positive light.
Even with the loss of him and the fact that we miss him every day, there are some good things to take out to this.

1. My relationship with my mother-in-law has grown so much stronger in these past few months. She is a strong woman, with lots of hope and courage and determination. I admire that in her. She's also a realist. I am sure some of what I see is a front to show me she's doing ok. I also see fleeting moments where she struggles. I hope she knows that it's ok to struggle, it's just not ok to give up. And it's ok to ask for help when needed, Frank and I will always do what we can to help.
2. I have realized now, after hearing a lot of things after the effect, that my father-in-law was struggling, as anyone does with aging and dealing with things that he could not control. While not the way I would have handled it, I keep peace in my heart knowing that he isn't suffering any longer.
3. My husband and I have grown closer – which comes with marriage obviously, but I am still grateful for each new thing we learn about each other in continuously building our friendship, trust, and marriage as it should be.
4. I have become an advocate for those with depression in trying to help them understand that they need to get help. I have several friends who have depression and they deal with it on a regular basis. I work hard to remind them of when they need to take an inventory, make sure they are aware of how they are feeling and if they need to go get help. I have also learned to recognize signs of my own of when it starts and take an inventory of myself to determine when to ask for help.
5. I've learned I have all I need in life, right here in this house to be happy. Really, it's in this chair as I type, and no, I don't have a cat in my lap. It starts with me. I control how I react to things. I can't control the circumstances, but I can control me, for the most part. I've learned that I don't have to agree to something when I don't. I don't have to have the same opinion of others to fit in. I don't have to have the approval of others to make me happy. I'm the only one that can do that. It sounds selfish in part, but again, that's my reaction to it.
6. We've started going to church as a family and spending more QUALITY time together.

There is always going to be that sadness without him, but as I remember discussing with my Dad on oh-so-many occasions, life goes on. And while we do feel the sadness and the emptiness, I know all too well, that both my Dad and Tom would not want us to sit around feeling sorry for ourselves. They would have us go out and enjoy the life we have left. Enjoy the kids, tell your family and friends that you love them.
Other things I have learned over this vacation:

• I am learning that positivity isn't all about blowing sunshine up anyone's tush just to make them feel good. It's about taking positive steps to change things when needed.
• I've learned a lot of my friends don't care for an overwhelming sense of positivity on my personal facebook page (it's ok, they can hide me or delete me – I've learned it's not personal. It's their reaction to what they can handle, not mine. )
• I've also learned that there are many people in the world that do not see things the same way I do. There are many who do on some levels, many of my friends fall into that category, but those who do not, that's ok, too. I'm still glad to call you friend because it's the differences that help us learn. I have known all my life that I see things differently than my parents did. My mom will even tell you that I have always been an Optimist (although, I think I am a hopeful realist.)
• I am still working on learning the biggest part of not worrying about having everyone's approval for how I feel or my opinions.
• I am still learning that I am a work in progress and will always be.
• Positive thinking and attitudes are not easy and they are a lot of work. It's not all rainbows and butterflies, but it is learning to love life and manage how you react to it.

Keep things as positive as possible and LOVE LIFE. I know this because my Dad actually has said this to me quite a few times when I was growing up. He told me it was OK to miss him and tears were ok every now and then, but then move on. Remember the good times, the laughter, and the jokes. Forgive the bad times, broken promises and faults, learn from the lessons provided and cherish everything that makes you remember with a smile. Because that's what it's about. Love life. Yeah, it's hard, but if it weren't, we wouldn't enjoy the successes as much and we wouldn't learn the lessons that we need to improve and change to be our better selves.