Turmoil

I’ve been sitting here off and on for 3 days trying to figure out what to write.  There’s so much to blog about but I can’t get the thoughts to streamline to the keyboard.  It’s amazing really, I have so much to say and can’t figure out how to get it through my brain to my mouth… usually it’s the other way around with the mouth spouting out faster than the brain can say, “No, don’t!”.

The cool thing is that I can post that my back is much better.  I am still limiting what I do.  Still no heavy lifting or major bending, however I have finished my chiropractor visits for now.  I plan on trying to find some kind of maintenance plan with him but I think I am going to wait until this is completely finished healing before I do.  I am almost back to my 1 mile a day at work of walking (yay!!!).  I can’t believe I actually missed it.  I was able to walk today for .8 miles (I think I could have done the full mile if I had worn my tennis shoes instead of my work shoes).

After I finished that walk, I posted a status on FB today that was pretty reflective of what’s going on here in Florida.  It was almost 80 degrees here today (yes I know, those of you with snow hate me… hate me if you must, I took chances and moved to get this type of weather! )  Anyway, while walking, I noticed that the encore azaleas and knock-out roses are already blooming a few flowers here and there.  That on top of the hibiscus tree outside the door with about a dozen flowers on it just make me smile.  Then, off in the distance, I noticed a whole committee of vultures flying over the woods nearby(according to the internet it’s the grouping of them).  I would say about 15-20.  It’s just funny how those things pulled together seem to represent what is happening at work lately.  I posted that I hope I am part of the beautiful signs of spring rather than the signal of death/decay.  There are days that make me wonder.  I’ve working hard over the last four months to “stick it out” and find out what direction my group is going in for my application.  I tried in December and then finally in January we had a planning meeting.  Without going into much detail, a lot of it depended on using the knowledge of one of my DBA’s (database analysts for those who don’t know the acronym).  Only, we found out on Friday, that he’s moving to a different group and whatever glimmer we had of something new will go with him. 

Dad always used to tell me to watch for the rats to start running for higher ground to determine if there is something that I need to be doing to move myself to higher ground.  Our group has lost 5 people within the last 2 months.  Now granted, several of those were contractors, but that little voice inside my head (the sensible one – not the smart assed one that usually speaks first) is telling me that there either needs to be a major change on my part in the future or I am going to be stuck with just doing this support.  I truly miss being (UGH dare I say it…) busy with work and having accomplished something to show I deserve to get paid for what I do.  Now, I know there are many people out there who wish they had ½ of what I have.  I agree, I am a greedy wench.  I want more.  I want to make a difference in my team and feel like I am contributing to something in a bigger picture.  What I do right now, many people could research on Google and MSDN and find the answers.  Granted, asking me or my counterpart is quicker, but…  I can’t justify having 2 of us do this job.  Not now anyway.  It would be foolish of me to actually think – in this day and age of number crunching and justification that this job will continue on through the years.  It won’t and without focus, direction or leadership, it will sit quietly until it breaks or quits being supported by Microsoft. (2012’s release has that potential – even though we just upgraded to SQL 2008 R2 within the last 6 months – yeah we’re a little behind). 

So while I am taking a time out from trying to learn something new for SQL, I am going to get my stuff to where it can transition fairly easy to someone else, because if I don’t find something else, I am sure that there will be a pink slip at some point. It’s a company and they are there to make money, not to take care of my ever thriving family here in Florida. 

I saw something on Facebook yesterday that kind of made it clear for me what should happen.  I’ll leave you with that thought…

You have to do what is right for you, no one walks in your shoes…

Until l8r,

Kel