Something that is unusual for me is to try and hide my concern and my worry. I’ve done better over the years as far as learning to let go of the things I cannot control so I don’t work myself into an early grave. Let’s face it, I need to make it through to torture my own kids when they get older.
The past few weeks has been pretty hard for me. 3 weeks ago we got the call from the county school system stating that they had a concern about Alex. The person couldn’t diagnose, but she mentioned concern for social and emotional developmental delays. OK, if you read the news lately, there’s been a lot of focus on Autism, the Autism Spectrum, Asperger’s Syndrome and the like. Now one thing I haven’t learned to control, especially when it comes to my kids, is my panic factor. Luckily, Frank can. The lady continued to tell me that they wanted to get Alex in the Special ed program as soon as possible. ! WTH? Is it life threatening? What? I panic and then I stop after talking to Frank. Wait. We haven’t gotten any “signals” other than his out bursts at school that anything is wrong. Lesson to be learned here… TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. OK, I admit, Alex does have the outbursts, they have lessened over time, along with him learning to do more, talk more and interact more with other kids. He has several friends in his class now, several female – which BTW, Mom is not thrilled with…
Anyway, Frank and I collectively decided to take Alex to his normal pediatrician to get some of the forms that are required by the county system, but also to ask his opinion of Alex’s pending enrollment. Let’s just say at this point, the pediatrician is not THRILLED… IN THE LEAST. He listened as we explained how it happened and he started shaking his head. He recommended several Psychology doctors to take Alex to, in order to get a “FULL” evaluation – not to just trust the county system. OK, I’m breathing a little better, but I still have to deal with taking him to a psychologist. A 3, almost 4, year old. We agreed that there is something amiss, but we still don’t really know what.
Between the County system and the internet, it is a very dangerous thing to have THAT much information put before you and not explained by someone who knows what they are talking about. So we made the appointment and it was yesterday.
Now keep in mind this is a preliminary consult. We went into her basic office (it was a rented space with a small bookshelf, small desk – for the kiddos to sit at, her small desk and a sofa. Frank sat in one of the chairs, I sat on the sofa and Alex sat with me, at first. As we explained our situation we let Alex roam the room, he played with blocks, colored on some paper – even spelled out Mommy, Daddy, Alex and something else I didn’t see. We listened to her stories and she listened to some of ours. Come to find out, she had polio when she was 7 at she was hospitalized for 4 years with it. They told her that she’d never walk or use the right side of her body again. Well, let’s just say she proved them wrong. I’ll detail the similarities of this woman to my dad later… it was just spooky.
She was watching him while he was in there playing and as we talked to her we became more comfortable. Her first advice to us was to challenge the county with their diagnosis. Get a written report of what they think is wrong with him and how they came up with their concerns. (She was never one for authority based on some of her stories.) Her next statement to us was – He does not have any time of Autism or Aspergers Syndrome. HALLELUAH!!! Not to say that he’s perfectly on track, he’s not, but she is thinking that his diagnosis will lead to speech therapy. SPEECH therapy… as opposed to the county leading us to believe in an Autism or form of Autism. He has another appointment with her to do the formal testing, the 2nd week in March. Then she will recommend who we can work with to get him started with the speech therapy and get him back to where he needs to be. It may be a short run, it may be a long run, but to me, as long as I don’t have that “tag” or stereotyping of Autism hanging over his head. I am happy. I will admit that I almost had myself convinced that he had some slight form of Aspergers. Parents PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE – Ask questions, find out what leads to decisions when it comes to your children. Find out from other parents some of the other symptoms to see if your worries are grounded in facts. Because Aspergers is a high functioning form of Autism, it is VERY hard to diagnose, especially this early in ages. But, in her session yesterday, she pointed out things that immediately led her to believe that Alex doesn’t have any of those. He laughs at jokes, he lets others touch him, albeit he’s very cautious around people he doesn’t know, but to me… That’s a very good thing. I have to say that yesterday was one of my most emotional days as a mother. I went from the spectrum of OMG, we are getting him tested to determine if he is special needs to the elation that Alex may have some communications issues, but he is normal. Who would have thought that NORMAL is something you wish for?
I do know one thing, after getting on my knees and thanking God for what we learned, I also prayed for those parents who do not get that good of news when going through something like this. It is pure and simple a special kind of hell. I have a friend whose son was just diagnosed with Aspergers and he’s 13. I feel for her, because there is a WORLD full of information that she has to go through along with learning how to juggle the emotions she feels in dealing with her son and trying to help him feel normal. I wish God’s love upon her, her son and the rest of her family to work through it the best that they can and that her son get’s to a point where he is not only comfortable with himself, but also that he gets to a point where he is accepted for who he is and that he can one day also feel “Normal”.
I also pray for a system correction somewhere that people can go to trust, be trusted and get help for their kids. I feel like our system has let us down. The lady shocked me after 2 months of waiting for an evaluation – I had actually thought it happened and nothing came about from it. Just told me to “go do this, fill out this and get it back to us to enroll him”. No time for questions, no follow up phone calls to find out how we are doing, can they do anything to help. NOTHING. I was left to go find these things on my own with the help of my hubby (to calm me down) and our doctors to figure it out… on our own. I feel really bad for the many lemmings that will follow their directions without asking, without educating themselves or anything. They will (to quote the psychologist) “pigeon hole” their kids just because on lady with a computerized checklist of what to evaluate says that there is a concern for their child. It’s a double edge sword… there are kids out there who only need a nudge in the right direction, rather than an entire separation from society, then there are those that are in need of care and can’t get it. My prayers – go to them.
Until l8r,
Kelly
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