Letter to my brother...

How do you start a letter to someone whom you haven't spoken to in quite a few years, but yet you need to tell him that you know that the lack of communication wasn't his fault? It's hard, I can tell you that. There's so much you want to say, but you don't want to sound like you are rambling but then again you don't want to leave anything out just to make sure he knows all that has happened and how you feel and that you wished that some how he could see my family and recognize signs of a younger me (ok a mini-me) and a little boy who would remind him of my dad?

I guess you could start by saying something like this:

Dear Hutch,

Hey big brother! It's been ages! I'm sorry I haven't written or called, but under the given circumstances, as you have now found out, we were not given the entire truth nor were you. When Shannon wouldn't let me talk to you because you were asleep, I assumed, incorrectly, that she would give you the phone number and you would call. Evidently, something went amiss. It's too late to lay blame, I am sure there are other things that would cause you two to fight. I know that I am not angry with you and I hope and pray that you don't feel bad about what we cannot change.

Mom told me about what is happening, and please know that you are constantly in my heart and prayers these days. I started remembering the things that we have gone through over the years and I think... Damn... that was a lot!

I can remember the days when I was still in grade school in Kentucky and you guys lived across the street. I remember when you helped Dad put up the swingset, how we used to sit in your car listening to (gah!! are we that old!!??) your 8 track tapes. Do you know that to this day I give you credit for the diversity in musical interests that I have? You used to let me play your stereo when you lived with us and I remember you constantly telling Mom and Dad that it was ok for me to. :) We listened to all kinds - Harold Melville and the Blue Notes was one of your favorites... Among all the disco music back then... ugh.. You bought Madonna's first single when she crashed the scene, you even took me to my first concert... how could I forget.. The Hooters and Loverboy. :) It was supposed to be REO Speedwagon, but thanks to an unfortunate bike accident, Mom and Dad went to that one.

I remember all the fights that we had, all the Friday nights wrestling, ordering pizza, watching videos, you chasing off my boyfriend, and just taking me for rides in your many different cars. The white Cutlass Supreme, the Camaro, the Monte Carlo... You helped Dad teach me how to drive - taught me how to do a 3 point turn, got me a rebuilt car for my graduation present. You helped Dad coach our softball team - even went undefeated! Out of all the memories I have listed here, the ones that mean the most aren't even here. The ones that still touch my heart are the ones where you were always there when we needed you. You followed us all around from NH, to Illinois, to SC, to TN. That's quite a trek... trust me I did the years before you came a long with them and it totaled to 9 different states in my lifetime. Not even a military brat! :) The one that means the most to me, was the day you told me, when visiting us in Georgia after we left Tennessee, was how you still checked on Nana and Buppy's graves even after we left. I'm not sure I ever told you how much that meant to me.

I know you have talked to Mom and I know that there really is nothing I can do at this point to help you now, other than earnest and meaningful prayers. Dad always said we were good for the long shots, so I am going to hope that he's right here. And if not, (and I really hate putting this into words but I want you to know it regardless) then I wish you peace and freedom. No one deserves it better big brother. I love you and I hope that the prayers work and we do find a donor/match with all of my heart.

You did a beautiful job with Autumn, she is beautiful (and tall!!)! :) I haven't seen any pictures of Amber, but I am just as sure that she is beautiful too. I am so proud to call you my brother, history and all.

Love,

Kelly