Confidence or a test?

His words, "Give her what she needs to get it done." No, it's not my husband telling me to get something for my daughter. It was the words uttered from my manager's new boss about a project that is in the tank. Documentation database. Anyone who works for our company knows that this tool is on its last leg and we are 'band-aid'ing it to no end. There are so many teams crying for this thing to either die and be replaced or simply be written. Seriously, it's in access '97. An 11 year old software. 10, if you are going by the latest version of Office that we have.

Last week I was in Little Rock AR with the rest of my team awaiting our fate upon getting a new manager… again. Yeah, reorg's are the buzz word for our company, it has been for years. It's not a complete year without one, I think it's just the "paradigm" for companies of our size (I did not know that we had over 22K people, with ½ of them in international areas). I thought I was dead meat when I was no more than 5 seconds into my presentation when he stopped me, and blatantly walked up to the projection screen, pointed out a grammatical error and stated that it was not acceptable and that ALL managers would point it out. Not the actual way you'd like to start to make an impression on the new management, huh? There was a collective intake of breath from each individual in that room that knew me. A total of 7 other people were wondering if this was going to be the meeting from hell where Kelly finally snaps her temper and shoots the lasers that are being imagined. It was obvious, he even asked me after he sat down again (immediately to my right), if he had "discombobulated" me. Who was I? I couldn't lie. I told him, "Yep, but if you give me a second, we'll move on." From then on, we took jabs at each other something to the effect of me keeping a leash on him during his rants, soapboxes and tirades. To which I replied that I didn't have a stick big enough to do so. OK, not so bad but then at the end of that meeting one of our co-workers tested the limits but went the other way. Meeting ended on a sour note – it had been a pretty decent day up until that point. Either way though, a fairly decent impression of our new management. They will allow "some" lee-way, but don't push too far. It's a very volatile place to be in the workplace now, lots of changes and 'retooling' is happening and some retooling is sent packing. Unfair, but true. Lives change based on those decisions. This guy, doesn't seem like the type to do it cold heartedly, but still swift and precise.

Now, back to the original question. Giving me permission to go back and work on the docdb after it was told to me that I wouldn't have it much longer. Now I am supposedly given permission to go do what it takes to "get it done". But no pressure is felt… yeah – right. I'm a little nervous about this. Time to step up (I thought I had been) or to shine (I thought I was pretty good in what I had done previously – not perfect but the job got done and the client keeps coming back to ask for more of my services. That's gotta speak for something right? Now again, the bar is raised higher, not only is it higher, I am also dealing with new software and have no friggin' clue as to how to make it work – I guess that means more online training for me tomorrow and yet another trip to Barnes and Noble for the 2003 book (I am running on the 2007 software – but should be able to use it). I'm only 5'3" for goodness' sake. How much higher can the bar go before I fall flat on my face? My manager keeps telling me that I need to get over that first blip with the new boss, but you never get a 2^nd chance to make a first impression. They even say it in commercials. I'm rambling I know, but it's kind of unnerving for them to put those terms to something that already sucks. Yeah, it'll help if we get it patched up and working until a decision is made. But at what cost? I hope its not my career. I pointed out to one of my clients today that my kids have kind of gotten used to having a roof and food. I guess it's me putting the pressure on to perform, but at the same time, I am trying to secure my job too. To show them that, hell yeah, I'm a damn good BA and was before I ever thought of the word testing. Let's hope it comes back to me as easily as I learned it.