Ahhhh, Sundays…

A day usually used to relax, reflect on the week before and prepare for the next week.

Today my reflection has to deal with balance. I know several people have heard me talk about it before, but it is definitely something you have to keep in check to maintain it. This week flew by so fast, I don't know if I was balanced or not. When I talk about balance, I am referring to family life – husband, kids and extended family, personal items – photography, reading, relaxing and work – full time job that uses more hours than it should.

The full time job is the one that won out this week. I worked on a new mission from work to get a database form up and running while trying to get my regular daytime job done too. OK, just on that statement alone, balance is thrown. Then when you throw on top of the normal worry that there "could" be more layoffs in the next year – it seems to be a constant for this company since the reorg. It makes you set your priority. Especially if you realize that your family is used to having a roof over their head and food to eat on a semi-regular basis. What's funny (well, not funny – ha ha, but funny – irony) is that I am watching one group that cut their group to the bone. A job that was done by 7 employees was cut to 2 or 3. Now that group is feeling the pain of having overworked those that were left and they are about to walk out the door. Now my question is, did they plan it that way to get rid of the stragglers that were left behind to clean it up and MAKE it form the shape they wanted with attrition? It's possible. The ironic part of the whole thing is that the group now has the same people in it that were there 5 years ago when all of this started. Sure there were some promotions and new employees, but, it has 80% of the old group back together. Hmmmm… Kind of makes you wonder.

Today I will be making my way to my mom's house to accompany her to her new doctor's appt. She gets nervous about stuff like this and doesn't really hear what is said to her. A normal defense mechanism, as I have it sometimes too, but only applied to work lately.

It'll be good to see her. She's even made plans to stay for a few days around Thanksgiving. A definite step forward.

We are planning to go see my father-in-law in October and hopefully visit my nephew and new niece. She's already a month old and I haven't been able to get down to see her! Ugh – bad aunt, bad aunt

I guess the point to this whole rant is that while true balance can never be achieved, how do you keep it a float? I think I read somewhere on one of my friend's IM tag – she said she was spinning plates and trying to keep them from all crashing down. I hope that my life doesn't turn out like that. I do my best not to, but then when you have so much to balance, how does it not fall eventually? It's like defying physics. You can only do so much. Where is the breaking point? Who is to say where the limit is? I know these are questions that individuals can only answer, but I don't like the pattern it is setting already. I swore that I would not let work rule my life in lieu of enjoying my family and I think I have done that so far. I just don't want it to continue to be an uphill battle that I lose.

So, I guess it is causing me to rethink some of my priorities and how to address them and not to stress about them and just do what I can do… but with the perfectionism gene – is that possible?