Approaching 43…

As I sit here trying to think of things to type, I am forced to realize (with it being my mother in law's birthday) that mine is only 9 days away. In 9 days, I will reach the age my father was convinced that he would never live past- he was wrong by the way, he lived to be 57. Apparently a lot of folks on my Dad's side of the family didn't live past 42. I am going to admit now, because I watched my father struggle with it, that I, too, had my suspicions about it. I don't know if it was just the influence of him when I was younger listening to him or if it was as part of the realization that people from my generation were starting to drop off too. I won't go into detail with who, how or when, but it made me take notice.
Back in February, a few days before my daughter turned 10, I realized that how I was eating and treating myself wasn't going to let me make it well into my 70's to hound my kids as adults. Yes, this is a goal of mine – not for paybacks but for giving them peace of mind as they get older. So I can show them that they actually would turn into an adult even if they didn't want to, much like I didn't want to. Anyway, with that realization, I went out, bought a FitBit and started minding what I did for activity during the day. I also went back to the clinic that I had success with a couple of years ago and started my diet program again. And I will tell you, as of today, I haven't looked back. Now, mind you, I am no skinny Minnie, I still have a long way to go. But I don't see myself becoming one, my goal is just to become healthier.
Here is a list of the things that I have witnessed in my success over the last 3 months (2/24 – 6/4):

• The scale – while not the only driving factor is still a marker for me. I know that those numbers do not represent who I am on the inside and when it doesn't go down when I expect it to, I don't get depressed and give up. It is only one of MANY gauges of how I am doing. If my scale here is right, which usually it's off of the clinic's number by 1-2 pounds, I have lost approximately 32 lbs. Yep, I have lost the size of a toddler. ½ of the size of my son. Think about that for a minute…
• My blood work at the doctor's office – this to me is my biggest sign of success. While I am still on my blood pressure meds and asthma medicines, my blood pressure has not been above the normal range since I have started this. In fact, the last check in I had, it was 106/72 (I still average 120/80). To me, that is music to my ears. With my family's history in heart trouble, it's not something I want to have go out of control. Again, I have that goal of driving my kids crazy.
• My energy and ability to be active – Yesterday when we were on our way to see my son get his awards in his second grade class, we had to park a distance away from the school and walk (yes, we were running late). It had a small hill on the way there and I was not even winded by the time we got to the lobby to sign in. Last year? I was huffing and puffing as a hefty, asthmatic person is expected to do. According to my FitBit, I now average close to 5,000 steps a day, sometimes more, sometimes less. When I don't get 5,000? I don't beat myself up about it. I just tell myself, I'll do better tomorrow and I usually make an effort to do so. Not because I feel obligated by this little tracker, but because I know I will feel better. I have also started working on a 30 day ab challenge – I am only on day 3 and I suck at sit-ups, but, I am still doing them. I've even added push-ups to my list because I want my arms to get stronger. Again, no pressure from anyone, no one has made negative comments, this is just because I feel I want to. Believe it or not, that makes a HELL OF A difference.
• My clothes – yep, as you would expect, I have lost not just pounds, but inches as well. At last count, it was over 27 total inches. I haven't had measurements in a while and I think I am due for next week's check-in to have them done. If I don't show a tremendous decline in the numbers, again, I am not going to hang my head in shame, nor give up. I know I am on a lifestyle change, not a timed challenge for "how much and by when" contest. This is a "keep doing it because you know you feel better" lifestyle, not something to stop once I hit a certain number or stage.

Because of my original size, I know there are some people who notice a difference, but they don't want to say anything because it might offend me and that's ok. The compliments are nice, but again, that's not why I do it. Then there are those, who don't even notice, and that is ok, too. I'm not doing it for them. J

Over the last couple of weeks I have been stressed out completely. Work has been crazy busy, I let an employee go about 2 months ago, and the new replacement is supposed to start this week. I had another employee turn in their notice last week and I am working to fill their position while being given 2 major projects to complete, the SLA reporting cycle started this week and on top of that, it's the last week of school for my kids. So there is a lot of crazy, busy activity going on. And honestly, I don't see it slowing down anytime soon. Summer is coming fast and furious, I am trying to juggle birthdays (mine, my mother in law's, and my father in law's) along with Father's Day and trying to fit in a visit to my mom before the end of the month (it's already the end of the 4^th!), but… the difference is this time (unlike before February), I am not trying to eat my way through the stress, I am eating healthier, exercising – not by killing myself in a gym either just normal steady walking and stuff we learned in school, and I am still happier than I have been in a long time. I haven't set any unreasonable expectations for myself. Yes, I have my own mini-goals, like walking more than 5000 steps for at least 4 days of the week. I want to be able to do a 5K without feeling like I need a visit to the ER by the end of August. I want to be able to fit into sizes of clothes that are in normal department stores – I am almost to this one… but most of all, I just want to feel better.
Do I have struggles? Absolutely. Do I have days where I want to stuff my face in a can of frosting? Yep. But the difference now is that I don't act on that and I allow myself to be human and make mistakes. To feel low. But I also fight to find that reason to be positive again, to keep going on the changes I have made. I know there are reasons to be happy. I know there are things worth taking the risks for. I know there is no improvement unless I take the steps to do the improving. I do it for me and I am proud of that success so far and I am excited for what the future brings.