And this face?
Yeah, those are two of the main reasons, but there are plenty more where that came from. In the end, it's because it makes me happy to know I have done something, completed something or please someone doing what I do best. Be it pictures, be it a report that the person has been waiting on, be it a phone call just to say hi or I love you.
The past week has been hard at work. Not in slammed project modes this week, maybe it would have been more justified, but this time it was just a dump of do this, do that, fix this, research this, then oh, BTW we're gonna change this and do it this way or investigate another way. Don't get me wrong. I truly love what I do. If it weren't for the dynamic atmosphere, I'd be bored and miserable. There are times though when I feel like there is SOOOO much I feel like a fraud trying to pull it off and bluff through. (Self esteem issues, there, I get it, no therapy needed - it's a known fact and I cope). Because then, I get to come home and I have those beautiful faces to kiss on, hug on, yell at for getting into things they shouldn't or doing things they shouldn't - but that's my job as a Mom. Make sure they know the right way to do things so they can choose when the time comes. I hope I do it right, I know I'm trying my best. I'm not perfect. I will never claim to be perfect. Nor, to be honest, do I want to be perfect. It takes time, patience (something I still haven't quite gotten the hang of), love, lots of love, and choices - some bad some good, to keep it all learning. I know things are in the winds of change at this point and I know I have made the right choices, I see evidence of it every day. It's just every now and then,that I wonder, if or when someone calls me on it, will it be a bluff? Or will I win the hand for that turn? Well, if they were to call me on it right now, here is the scenery to prove that it wasn't a bluff and the deal was right:
How can you go wrong with this view? We were able to get down there tonight and even though it was in the 90's during the day, when we got there, there was a cool breeze blowing off of the water, the water was just choppy enough to make waves and soothing, lapping sounds on the rocks and it was just about one of the most peaceful places to be. (Aside from the 2 dead fish we saw and the dead snake that was missing a head - I certainly didn't want to find out what or who did the damage - I know when to mind my own business, especially after seeing the resident Alligator or gators... I didn't stop to ask if he had friends, I just made the assumption...)
This week, I found myself missing my Dad to bounce work questions off of, he was a fantastic manager and had incredible insight into business. He always used to tell me to watch the Godfather because there is much to learn from "the business". I seriously looked up quotes the other night in my insomniac stupor and tried to apply them. He's right... the information is there.... My father in law will tell you the same thing too. It was one of the many things they had in common, good business sense.
At work, there's lots of activity from the merger, not meeting the numbers promised to the stake holders and a buy out that went south, all in the period of 4 months. I anticipate that the wheels of change will include layoffs, and while not guaranteed, I still am not worried for my job any more than usual - hey, it's the sign o'the times... But I really could use his advice on how to keep my mouth shut, who I can and cannot trust at work - THANK YOU Conversion Group for teaching me that I cannot trust many people when it comes to the "Nature of the Business".
I say a prayer each night, but the prayers keep getting longer, the usual blessing of family and friends to keep them safe, but now I am adding to keep their health and their families in check, to grant some kind of miracle that they get medicine so desperately needed to heal from cancer, to just keep them alive long enough to know that their families love them and vice versa, that they heal from cancer, that their loved ones are pulled through their troubled times. You name it, I've added it. It's like my FB page has become a church prayer group at times. I'm not offended mind you, but I do miss the funny stuff.
It's just a crazy time I guess. Lots of sleep deprivation has been known to cause babbling in me - even in blogging forms. I don't write for book format or anyone else to follow the outline, as my recently departed English teacher, Mr. Barker used to harp on. I write as the thoughts flee through so I don't loose them. They can be precious at times and really stupid at others, but hey - with only 9 followers, I hope I'm not pissing them off.
With all of that garbledy gook stuck in my head, it's no wonder I had insomnia this week. 12 hours in the last 3 days is not good for me so I am going to try and rectify it tonight. (Yes, Verlon, I found my melatonin tonight and hopefully it will do the trick :) )
Until l8r...
Kel
No comments:
Post a Comment