Well, It's been one of the most difficult weeks of my life. My dad died on October 29 (last Monday). While I miss him dearly, the emotion I feel is not nearly as much as the fear I have for my mom and how she deals with it. She depended on my dad quite a bit for a lot of things (cooking, taking her medicine, getting them from the pharmacy, etc).
My mom is a very strong person, stronger than she knows, but I know in my heart she has no desire to stay behind. Thankfully, with Catholic beliefs, suicide is a mortal sin and she still believes in it. While granted she probably thinks about it (who wouldn't when their best friend of 37 years is gone), I don't think she'd do anything to harm herself. My concern however is her taking care of her health. She's not been the fittest person I have ever known and at one point in time her current doctor told her that a common cold would put her at risk.
I love my dad dearly and am very thankful he was able to see both of his grandchildren. I just wish it was easier for Mom to go through.
On another note, we are in, yet another battle with my mother in law. I swear the woman is insane. It's going to take a while to type this, but I want to get it out on paper or something to be able to keep it in the reserves for later educational items.
Monday night, she called to give her condolences for my dad. Which I thanked her for, granted I am not warm and loving to her, but I was not rude. She told me that she loved me very much and again, I thanked her. When she asked me if I didn't believe her, I told her that I didn't say that. It was just that I cannot comfortably return the sentiment. See a few years ago (I think Ashleigh was about 6 months old) in another heated argument, she managed to tell me in not so many words that setting up her ceramic shop was more important that Ashleigh. I read into it (wrongly she says) that my daughter was not a priority of hers. OK. If that's the way she feels, fine. I don't want you around my kid and by the way, while you are at it, you need to get tested for some illnesses because quite honestly, between the lying (about not having a boyfriend at the time) and "not remembering" things, there was something wrong. OK, back to present day conversation. When I reminded her of this conversation and what I thought she said, she protested saying she never said that. When I told her yes she did and it isn't something you readily forget when it comes to your children, she wanted to know exactly what she said. Now who the hell remembers exactly what they said 2 hours ago, much less 3 years ago??? Needless to say, the conversation didn't get any better. She asked if she could come for a visit and I told her I would have to talk it over with Frank since it would be a family decision and I wasn't going to make that decision on my own. When she asked me if I wanted her not to come, I told her that she could visit anytime she wanted, but I didn't want her in my house. (I think this is where part of the priority conversation started – see, even I can't remember 2 days ago for verbatim) After the bickering, I finally told her that I didn't have the facilities to deal with her and that I would have Frank call her when he got the chance. I told her I would tell him that she called, had some news she wanted to share with him and that she wanted to come for a visit. I said good bye and hung up. Keep in mind, while I told her that Frank wasn't home – he was in Ashleigh's room with the kids, listening to the entire conversation – from my side of it, anyway. 2 hours later… She calls again. She tells Frank to pick up the phone and that there is no reason to be rude about it. She still tried to get him to pick up, and finally hung up after another minute or so. Needless to say, this pisses both of us off again and starts us on a hunt to find out what the hell is going on. Frank called Housten the next day to see if he had heard anything and to warn him of what I had started. Housten took the warning in stride, knew nothing of her plans and wished us luck. J
Now, Frank is downstairs, 2 days later, avoiding the confrontation all together. I love him, but he's good at avoidance where I welcome confrontation (polar opposites). I feel bad for him because this is his mother that is saying these things and you always grow up with the idea that your parents will be the perfect grandparents and want to be involved. Not so with his mom.
When I talked to Frank and Jen about this, they both seem to think that this is some kind of "game" for her to try and get back into Frank's life by using my father's death as an excuse… Obviously, this does nothing but send me over the edge again. I even told him I wanted her out of my life. I know it's not fair to my kids and I am not going to stop him from letting her see the kids if he wants to. But the thing is, he told me that he doesn't want to talk to her anymore. I told him that if he was going to tell her that, that he needs to be prepared for the fact that it will be a finality he will not be able to get back, ever. I think that's the main reason for him avoiding it and who could blame him?
The whole point to this post? I guess it's to get it off of my chest, because quite honestly, while I am stronger than I ever imagined at this point in my life, I am still teetering on the see-saw to keep my emotions and thoughts in check. It's very difficult, even when you know it's for the best (Daddy was in a lot of pain) – you shouldn't have to deal with added baggage that doesn't belong.
Well, I guess I need to go find out if he's going to call her or not. If not, I guess I will take out my frustrations on the Conan game.
Until later…
Kel
No comments:
Post a Comment